Oil Change....Men VS Women
08-20-2001, 01:08 AM
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Oil Change....Men VS Women
Oil change instructions for women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00.
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 MINUTES
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
-- But you know the job was done right!
[ August 20, 2001: Message edited by: Random ]
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00.
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 MINUTES
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
-- But you know the job was done right!
[ August 20, 2001: Message edited by: Random ]
08-20-2001, 01:34 AM
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Oh shiet!
That had me rollin on the floor! I was just picturing you and Red doing that whole time. LMAO.
That had me rollin on the floor! I was just picturing you and Red doing that whole time. LMAO.
08-20-2001, 02:17 AM
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I get my first 4 free at the dealer. Since they have Hyundai parts that'll work. My friend had a Corvette and took it to a local dealer, they were making him pay over 50 bucks for an oil change but he still took it there just for genuine Chevy parts.
08-20-2001, 04:32 AM
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*HAHAHAHA* That's freaking great! That basically sounds like my friends next door neighbor. We'll hang out in his driveway with our rides and all of a sudden, we'll hear his neighbor going off and screaming in his garage because he can't get something fixed on the car. So, he'll come over and ask us (since we both have custom cars) on how to do stuff. It's hilarious! 
08-20-2001, 04:42 AM
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That was the funniest thing I ever read!!
I also know that is true cause one of my friend did exactly same thing couple of month back.
He has 92 Accord and took him 3 days to change oil. (Well..it was weekend and all...)
Random this was second best post you posted right next to 'This is Honda' you posted while back.. Where do you get all these?
08-23-2001, 07:55 AM
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Man that sounds like my family. haha were always messing with things. Then my dad has to come over and tell me how he would do it and what I was doing wrong. But yeah dad's gotta love em. Even if they piss you off. I remember this one time my dad and I were going to do a transmission service on my old truck. So we jack up the truck only the front and put jack stands under it. I ask my dad don't we need to jack up the back to level it out. And he says "Hell no this will work, this is how we used to do it." So I'm like ok. So we begin we remove the bolts from the transmission pan. We removed the bolts and begin to remove the pan. Well you can guess what happened next instead of the trans fluid going into the pan it went all over us. We had trans fluid all in our hair and clothes. My dad was going "I got trans fluid in my hair and my face get it off get it off." So I wipe his face with my shirt that was covered in trans fluid as well but oh well I didn't want to get out from underneath the truck. So now there is a pool of trans fluid under the truck and the fluid was running down the frame rails and on to the ground. About fours hours later we finish and we are both just standing looking like we just got dipped head to toe in trans fluid. But hey good times good times. My dad is the craziest guy to watch work on a car.
[ August 23, 2001: Message edited by: guilty ]
[ August 23, 2001: Message edited by: guilty ]
08-23-2001, 09:23 AM
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QUOTE
Originally posted by guilty:
Man that sounds like my family. haha were always messing with things. Then my dad has to come over and tell me how he would do it and what I was doing wrong. But yeah dad's gotta love em. Even if they piss you off. I remember this one time my dad and I were going to do a transmission service on my old truck. So we jack up the truck only the front and put jack stands under it. I ask my dad don't we need to jack up the back to level it out. And he says "Hell no this will work, this is how we used to do it." So I'm like ok. So we begin we remove the bolts from the transmission pan. We removed the bolts and begin to remove the pan. Well you can guess what happened next instead of the trans fluid going into the pan it went all over us. We had trans fluid all in our hair and clothes. My dad was going "I got trans fluid in my hair and my face get it off get it off." So I wipe his face with my shirt that was covered in trans fluid as well but oh well I didn't want to get out from underneath the truck. So now there is a pool of trans fluid under the truck and the fluid was running down the frame rails and on to the ground. About fours hours later we finish and we are both just standing looking like we just got dipped head to toe in trans fluid. But hey good times good times. My dad is the craziest guy to watch work on a car.
[ August 23, 2001: Message edited by: guilty ]
Man that sounds like my family. haha were always messing with things. Then my dad has to come over and tell me how he would do it and what I was doing wrong. But yeah dad's gotta love em. Even if they piss you off. I remember this one time my dad and I were going to do a transmission service on my old truck. So we jack up the truck only the front and put jack stands under it. I ask my dad don't we need to jack up the back to level it out. And he says "Hell no this will work, this is how we used to do it." So I'm like ok. So we begin we remove the bolts from the transmission pan. We removed the bolts and begin to remove the pan. Well you can guess what happened next instead of the trans fluid going into the pan it went all over us. We had trans fluid all in our hair and clothes. My dad was going "I got trans fluid in my hair and my face get it off get it off." So I wipe his face with my shirt that was covered in trans fluid as well but oh well I didn't want to get out from underneath the truck. So now there is a pool of trans fluid under the truck and the fluid was running down the frame rails and on to the ground. About fours hours later we finish and we are both just standing looking like we just got dipped head to toe in trans fluid. But hey good times good times. My dad is the craziest guy to watch work on a car.
[ August 23, 2001: Message edited by: guilty ]
LOL! Sounds so familiar.
First oil change on my car I had to use a huge C-clamp to get any kind of leverage on that oil filter. Hyundai must use a 1000 ft/lb impact wrench at the factory. I could have punched a screwdriver thru the casing but I was afraid I might hit the threads.
Hey Hyundai... not so tight next time, K?