My finance professor ended class the other day with an interesting debate. When you get married, do you plan to combine your checking and savings accounts, and any other large amount of money you might have with your spouse? Majority showed that the answer was yes, but then he added a variable. What if you had a good VP job making $150,000 while your spouse only made $35,000. Still, most believed that they still would combine all the “cash” assets. The reasoning behind this was primarily because they loved the person, with a supporting reason being because they felt that if they were marrying someone that they would’ve dated long enough to know their spending habits.



Then he got to talking about how much greed and fraud exists in the times of today. What if the spouse simply develops a habit of spending, unconsciously, just because they know they have the cash in the account? Now you, the one making so much more money, start seeing those 4 years of education and 12-14 hour days not paying off so much. You know that taking the credit card away can only lead to one result. So you look ahead, before you get married and decide that you want separate accounts.



How do you divide bills at that point? Looks only the large things like a mortgage. How do you divide that up? You obviously want a nice, big and beautiful house but know that your spouse probably won’t be able to afford it. So you try and figure out a way that the both of you will pay an equal portion of mortgage based off of how much you make but you see that this might not adequate because at the end of the day you’re still on the hook. What happens if they stop paying? Still in love enough with them to stay with them.



He said that the only real way to have no money issues is if your spouse makes within the same amount of money as you. Neither of you will go above your spending limits because you know what you and your other makes.



Bottom line, the number one reason for divorce is money, and either way you plan to do it, with a few exceptions leaves you f*cked.

 

my wife and I put $1000 each a month into bill/ house /grocery money. Whatever is left goes into our separate accounts to do with as we each please. Works perfectly never had a money arguement ever.

 

My wife and I have always had separate accounts. I make more than twice what she does. We have never had a fight about money.

 

we just throw everything into basically a big pot

our bills are OUR bills so....



i pretty much buy what i want as long as its reasonable, anything over a few hundred we just talk about and make sure the money is there to spend



yes once and a while we will have a little spat over spending(usually its like well you spent xxx on this so the next time we have extra money im gonna spend xxx on that)



it works just fine imo



although if either of us get some sorta bonus or work overtime and have extra money, we both have our own accounts for stuff like that



trust is a hell of a thing to lose, so if you cant trust the person you are sleeping next to every night then why are you still there?

 

Exactly what I was going to say!

 

faith says that because his wife makes $150k and he makes $30k in your scenario j/k



The scenario your professor provided ($150k vs. 30k + frivolous spending) doesn't mean you should separate accounts, it means you should be more aware of what/where your money is going. Both should have visibility of the accounts and both should make decisions as a household and family.



I'm really cautious with spending money, and my wife has taken on the same views as me. I haven't pushed them on her, but we're both aware of where we spend money. Our situation is the exact opposite of the scenario, though. There's only $1,000 difference in our annual salary, so we make the same amount of money. I have complete control of our finances and she has no clue what's in the bank. She just knows how to spend wisely and it really isn't a concern. She doesn't have to call and ask permission; she can buy whatever she wants and just tells me about it afterward, but we're responsible adults. No need for separate bank accounts. I know married couples who do that, and personally I think it's stupid. "Hey, honey, I'm going to go out with our friends and party tonight. You can come, too, if you can cover your own alcohol."



-What about taking vacations together?

-What about making big purchase decisions (vehicles, home, children)



What if the person with more money wants to have the nicer things, such as nicer vehicles. "Sure, honey, why don't you grab a new Lexus. We'll just take the money out of YOUR account." ... "Why don't you have any money? Well, you shouldn't have bought a Lexus if you couldn't afford it."



I see separate accounts creating MORE problems. If you can't manage money together, the problem isn't the checking account, the problem is more likely in the relationship.



I have a friend who makes really good money, but his wife is a elementary school teacher. She'll never make "good" money but that's understood. They have separate accounts. I haven't noticed any problems, but they drive nice cars. Do those payments come out of HIS account? Hers? And they want to buy a boat. What then? The vehicles and boat alone would possibly drain her account, but if splitting checking accounts - is it fair that he pays for all of it?





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the #1 reason for divorce is money? really? that doesn't make sense to me. I think there are other underlying problems. Money may be the #1 stress placed on a relationship, but causing it the reason for divorce doesn't make sense to me.

 

Right now I'd LOVE if she made that much lol

She worked part time while attending college, now its my turn to be the poor college student



I was actually talking to someone in the same boat, he makes 100-125k a year and she's a cop bringing in prob half that



What they do is put things into ratios, if bills take up 22% of income, they both pay the appropriate amount

 

I'm watching this discussion with interest (hah), I guess I'd have just pooled our money and paid our bills out of it. Then discussed bigger purchases. That's what my parents did, and they had vastly differing incomes.

 

I make a very large amount more than my girlfriend, who lives with me. She doesnt pay a single thing, other than a couple of things she has like her car payment, student loan, and a couple of small credit cards. I pay 100% of the bills out of my own paycheck. We have separate accounts, but if the day ever comes where we get married, then I'll probably put her on my account and she's free to pay her things with whats in the account since there's more than enough there to cover her stuff anyway.

 

Well said Faith