joke of the day
Thread Starter
Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 59
Likes: 0
a guy walks into a whore house and ask the man behind the counter
what can i get for $20.00 bucks the man smiles and says " not much ,but
since your new i guess i could hook you up just go down the stairs and the last door on your left go in but don't turn on the lights she will be waiting for you with her legs spread out." the guy was so happy he ran down the stairs and open the last door on the left thier he saw a women waiting for him he quickly took off his pants and jump on top of her as he was doing her he notice some white stuff coming out her ears , nose,and mouth he screamed and ran up stairs quickly putting on his pants and told the man behind the counter the women i was just with has white stuff coming out her ears,nose and mouth the man screamed " Fread the dead women is full again".
what can i get for $20.00 bucks the man smiles and says " not much ,but
since your new i guess i could hook you up just go down the stairs and the last door on your left go in but don't turn on the lights she will be waiting for you with her legs spread out." the guy was so happy he ran down the stairs and open the last door on the left thier he saw a women waiting for him he quickly took off his pants and jump on top of her as he was doing her he notice some white stuff coming out her ears , nose,and mouth he screamed and ran up stairs quickly putting on his pants and told the man behind the counter the women i was just with has white stuff coming out her ears,nose and mouth the man screamed " Fread the dead women is full again".
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,436
Likes: 0
From: Rockville, MD
OK, heres a couple more for you :
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her and some of the males actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor, when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK," he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front
of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"
lol.gif
__________________________________________________ ___________
A Texas farmer got in his pickup, drove several miles to a neighboring farm, and knocked on the farmhouse door.
A young boy about 12 opened the door. "Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?" "No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with paw."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "He went with maw and paw."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her and some of the males actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor, when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK," he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front
of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"
lol.gif
__________________________________________________ ___________
A Texas farmer got in his pickup, drove several miles to a neighboring farm, and knocked on the farmhouse door.
A young boy about 12 opened the door. "Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?" "No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with paw."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "He went with maw and paw."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,064
Likes: 0
Here is one I just got in email...not too bad.
Three blondes (don't take offense if you are a blonde) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdon, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooooo," and he banished her to hell. The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of passover. jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed byJudas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder. . .St. Peter said, "Verrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted!
Three blondes (don't take offense if you are a blonde) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdon, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooooo," and he banished her to hell. The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of passover. jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed byJudas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder. . .St. Peter said, "Verrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted!