The Coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Northern Alliance soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 3rd-story window 200 yards away, KA-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away, KA-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph, bulls-eye!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghani is hailed as the Great Hero of football, and when Coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my
son."

"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No, let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight."

At that point, the old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I'll never forgive you for making us move to Oakland."

 

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

 

A man was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark stormy night in the middle of nowhere in a rural area of Mexico.

The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could see hardly a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It crept toward him as it slowly rolled next to him, reflexively, he jumped into the car, out of the storm and closes the door, then realized that there was no driver behind the wheel.

The car slowly starts moving again. The guy is terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy sees that the car is slowly approaching a sharp curve. The guy starts to pray, begging for his life, surely the ghost car will go off the road and he will plunge to his death when, just before the curve, a hand appears through the window and turns the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with terror, the guy watches the hand re-appear every time they reach a curve.

Finally, the guy gathers his wits and leaps from the car, and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes to a cantina and, voice quavering, orders two shots of tequila, and tells everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience. A silence envelopes everybody when they realize the guy is apparently sane and not drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked in the same cantina. One says to the other, "Look Pepe, that's the idiot that rode in our car when we were pushing it."

 

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No sh*t?"

 

This British explorer is in the dark jungle, going where no Western man has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook, and troubleshooter in one. One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a handsome young man engaged in "playful activities" with ten beautiful young women, all in the nude. To the explorer's astonishment, the young man had the biggest penis he'd ever laied eyes on. He was in awe. He asked his guide who this man was.

"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of the lake, Sir," came the reply. "This is his morning ritual."

"Ask him," the Brit said to his companion, "how did his penis get to be that size?"

The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.

"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his assistant on his return.

"He said, 'There's nothing wrong with my penis. Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'"

 

And the Ballrub's jokes are back again. Yeah !

 

Funny as ever!

 

Really funny.

 

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about! Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register here, please."

 

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: Unique up on it.