OK, let me start off by saying this Wira is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Proton would look like Schwarzenegger. It is just that manly.



It was never intended to drive to the shops to pick up that cute pottery set at Walmart that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to pilates or yoga. No, that's what your Corolla is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favour and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.







This car was engineered by Malaysian super ninjas to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his arse), or cruise control (real men have the pedal to the metal). No, this brute comes with things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a sixteen valve engine to outrun the cops. Its got beer holders. It even has a knife pocket so that if you are being carjacked by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to rip out somebody's jugular.



It has four doors, so you can fit in the hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and work on your triangle. There's a massive boot that will fit more hookers than a politician's credit card. It has a new windscreen because the last one got shot out by the taliban, and it has four fresh tyres because the last ones got blown out on spike strips. It has power windows and mirrors so you can still land devastating left hooks while adjusting your mirrors.







My price on this bad boy is a ridiculously low $1000 with six months of registration, or $800 without. I'll accept reasonable offers though. And by reasonable, I don't mean PM me and tell me you'll give me $200 for it. That's liable to earn you a burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Lets just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Bieber concert anymore; its hard to pick up your teeth with broken fingers.



This car will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. The power plant had to be de-tuned from its mitsubishi trim because NASA got teary about the earth turning backwards.







Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If its a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling out with my harem of women, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a glass of two hour old moonshine while we listen to Johnny Cash at ear drum splitting, window shattering decibels.

 

The US says I can't import it because it's less than 25 years old.

 

Sorry, you got the pictures mixed up with some dinky commuter econo-box, I'm all confused

 

Its all good guys, it sold today for the princely sum of $850



If only they knew just how sideways this gets