Is Windows A Virus? and other funnies!
11-03-2004, 03:57 PM
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Re: RPM Signal.
Is Windows A Virus?
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
-----------------------------------------------------------
25 Signs That You Are Getting Old
1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2.Your back goes out more than you do.
3.You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4.You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5.You are proud of your lawn mower
6.Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7.Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8.You sing along with the elevator music.
9.You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10.You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?".
13.You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14.You send money to PBS.
15.The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16.You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18.You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20.You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21.You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22.You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23.You can go bowling without drinking.
24.You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it
25.You read this looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yummy
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Young Girl
Whilst enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he would like to come back to her place.
The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.
Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.
Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?"
"No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke.
Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That would be me before the operation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Wishes
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said, "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said, "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.
Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared.
The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"
He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chicken Wire
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."
ENJOY
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
-----------------------------------------------------------
25 Signs That You Are Getting Old
1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2.Your back goes out more than you do.
3.You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4.You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5.You are proud of your lawn mower
6.Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7.Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8.You sing along with the elevator music.
9.You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10.You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?".
13.You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14.You send money to PBS.
15.The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16.You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18.You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20.You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21.You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22.You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23.You can go bowling without drinking.
24.You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it
25.You read this looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yummy
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Young Girl
Whilst enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he would like to come back to her place.
The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.
Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.
Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?"
"No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke.
Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That would be me before the operation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Wishes
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said, "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said, "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.
Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared.
The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"
He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chicken Wire
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."
ENJOY
