Rules For America



Other countries are allowed to have borders. America is not. That would be exclusionary, racist and mean.

Other countries are allowed to have a national language. America is not. That would be exclusionary, racist and mean.

Countries that have their own language and borders are allowed to criticize America for wanting the same. They can call us racist for it. Should America challenge the double standard of these countries, it will only support the charge of racism, made worse by dangerous nationalism.

Where our single country is concerned, America should celebrate diversity of culture instead of teaching national pride. The idea of a melting pot must be done away with.

Where the entire world is concerned, the cultures of each country should not be celebrated and we should instead view ourselves as one global village. We should also submit to international law.

When a Republican candidate changes his position, he is a flip-flopper.

When a Democrat changes his position, he is “evolving.”

When Republicans refuse to compromise and work with Democrats, they are being partisan.

When Democrats refuse to work with Republicans, it is because they are people of conviction who cannot compromise in good conscience.

Liberals are more nuanced than conservatives. They do not give in to simple minded, one-dimensional thinking. However, when conservatives are accused of being homophobic for not believing in same-sex marriage, or racist for not wanting to reelect Obama, or racist for believing in voter I.D., their attempts to provide nuanced defense will be summarily rejected. Racism and homophobia are the only possible explanations for conservative positions. These are simple issues. There is no complexity. There are no facts even worth considering.

There is no important difference between men and women where marriage is concerned. A child with two fathers or two mothers is just as well off as a child with both a father and a mother. However, when choosing Supreme Court justices, we should understand that there are indeed distinct differences between men and women. Therefore, a Supreme Court justice of different race and gender is going to bring a fresh perspective to the table.

When considering abortion, it is the woman’s body and her own choice. When considering the practice of smoking or eating too much sugar, or consuming too much cholesterol laced food, women and men alike must realize that their bodies are part of a larger national pool. Since the government is taking responsibility for our health, this same government should also be allowed to fashion new laws that keep our bodies in shape, thus maintaining affordable health care for all.



Aren’t these rules fun? They will be the end of our country, but never mind. Just follow these rules and be the most popular, sensitive, Politically Correct person around the water cooler at work.