homey14h

Im goin to give a quick run down for those of you who might not know me or whats gone on the past yr...

I was supposed to be in Georgia for college back in august. I made that choice November 2005. Everything was set and all i was waiting for was to register classes. My mom passed away march 2006 and left behind me, older sister (23), lil bro (3), and lil sis(8). after she passed i lost it. i stopped caring, and decided not to go to GA for school. I didnt feel like i could leave my family. and now i finally thought i was ready to attempt goin away. but this time its only 3 hrs away and its in ohio. bowling green state university. I just found out today i am accepted for the spring semester that starts in January. but all of the sudden i feel like i cant go. i feel like a parent to my little bro and sis. i never felt like that or thought of myself as one till just now. they lost a lot this year and i dont want them to think they are goin to lose me. and i just think about all the everyday things im going to miss. just like last night my little bro asked me to lay down with him and watch wizard of oz. things like that are what i will miss most. and i feel like im abondoning my step dad now too. if i leave it will only be the 3 in the house and he was goin crazy before because he had to raise the family on his own, but now he truly will have to since i wont be around to help.

im seriously flippin out here. I just need some advice or some thoughts or something to calm me down i guess.

Decco

If I was ever in that sort of situation.. I think I would stay with the family. You can always go to college when they're older and more stable.

majik

is there a closer university to home? online classes?

I don't know that I'd be able to go away either. It's definitely a tough decision.

If it were me, I wouldn't have any other choice but to spend hours praying about it and seeking guidance from God. I honestly don't see any other way to handle it.

What role does your older sister play? Is she living nearby, married, able to contribute?
Have you spoken with your family about what may happen, and taken their input into consideration? Have you talked with your younger siblings?

homey14h

there are closer, but ive always wanted to leave


Theres one problem though, i lost a lot of faith over the last 12 years. and more than ever the past year. I thought I was a strong person till I lost her. once i did, i lost everything. and my faith, my hope, everything was weaker after she passed away. and because im not prayin all the time or in church every sunday, i dont feel like im allowed to ask for help. like im bein selfish and only comin around when i need something

My older sister lives about 5 minutes down the road and she has a bf and she comes over and helps out and takes them sometimes so she does play a role.
My family all says the same thing that i need to do whats best for me. but they mean more to me than i do and they need more than i do. even my step dad says i cant put my life on hold. and i am goin to actualy talk with my lil bro and sis tonight.

Decco

God doesn't refuse anyone.

01tibby

if you feel like you cant leave, but you dont want to put your life on hold, attend a community college for a couple years and then just transfer the courses over to bowling when you are ready.

you said you've always wanted to leave but i think you would feel like shit and be worrying the whole time you were away at the university. i would stay.

homey14h

Im 21. right out of highschool i attended cincy state tech and community college. but i keep pushing it off more and more. people are tellin me i hvae to be selfish for first time and do whats best for me, but its a 3yr old and an 8 yr old, i cant be selfish when it comes to them

Whiplash

Stay with your family for now, but only if you are seriously going to go to college in the future. If you are thinking that if you dont go now that you wont ever go then go now. My program is more then 2/3 people who are over 30yo. All of them are either working somewhere or they decided to go to college later in life because of similar situations as yours. School will always be there, family wont.

majik

Don't let your past actions (or lack thereof) be an excuse for this time.

God is closest when things are hard, and easy to find when you're in a situation such as yours. He seems to appear and help when we need Him the most. This might be the best time for you to rebuild your faith and find help from Him.

If you really want help, pray. Don't do a little 20 second "make everything better" prayer... be strong and let Him know what you need, what you're struggling with, and seek guidance and answers. You've got a lot going on right now, and I'm sure your heart is filled with enough to spend 10 hours in prayer emptying it all out. Pray, and give it what it deserves, a meaningful search for help for yourself and your family. Prayer shouldn't be selfish, but at the same time, you need to recognize that you need help as much as everyone. Ask for revelation as to what to do, and make sure you take time in your prayer to listen for a response from God... that seems to be what most people forget to do. They'll ask, but won't take time to listen for a response.

There's no better time than the present. God is in the midst of those who suffer.

homey14h

^^I listen (maybe not to god exactly), i look, i examine every possible thing. Im a huge believer in signs and little things that not many people notice. But iv spent so much time lookin for answers im afraid they may have been right in front of me and i didnt even see it. hardest thing about faith, is keeping it.

my biggest problem isnt knowing that i need help, its asking for it.

what sucks though is the answers to my questions may be very small and hardly noticeable. what i need is pretty much a swift kick in the balls tellin me what i should do. unfortuneatly thats not possible.