Jokes Thread
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,744
Likes: 0
QUOTE (silvertibbs @ Nov 29 2005, 12:58 AM)
Good idea Cyber, I like this little baby.
Actually, it was Col's idea, he had sent me a PM asking to have this topic stickied a long time ago..lol
I just remembered when I saw the joke thread reemerge.
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,832
Likes: 0
From: Fort Erie, Ontario
Vehicle: 2004 Acura TL
Yeah, definitely beats searching for it. You just don't see the time go by!? Last time I bumped it, it was on the bottom of page 3. shocked.gif
------------------------------------------
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's a half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this hour!" he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize that the man was drunk out of his tree. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "NO! Get lost! It's a half past three." says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.
His wife says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?""But the guy was drunk!" replies the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife he needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." With that, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please." So, still unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing!"
------------------------------------------
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's a half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this hour!" he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize that the man was drunk out of his tree. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "NO! Get lost! It's a half past three." says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.
His wife says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?""But the guy was drunk!" replies the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife he needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." With that, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please." So, still unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing!"
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,832
Likes: 0
From: Fort Erie, Ontario
Vehicle: 2004 Acura TL
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" She frowned, "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money. Three; I like how money feels in my hand, and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Thought it was pretty good. Had to share.
Thought it was pretty good. Had to share.
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,832
Likes: 0
From: Fort Erie, Ontario
Vehicle: 2004 Acura TL
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" She frowned, "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money. Three; I like how money feels in my hand, and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Thought it was pretty good. Had to share.
Thought it was pretty good. Had to share.
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,487
Likes: 0
From: Adelaide, OZ
Vehicle: Hyosung GT650
The Inheritance
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter. When will men ever learn?
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter. When will men ever learn?
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,487
Likes: 0
From: Adelaide, OZ
Vehicle: Hyosung GT650
The Inheritance
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter. When will men ever learn?
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter. When will men ever learn?
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 4,334
Likes: 0
From: Tampa/St Petersburg
Vehicle: Turbocharged 2001 Hyundai Tiburon
breathe! breathe!
AHHH, back from the dead.
This one made me laugh, thought i would share.
AHHH, back from the dead.
This one made me laugh, thought i would share.
QUOTE
Big Talk
Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.”
The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”
The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis
Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.”
The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”
The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis