nos4atu

So the relationship I'm in is on it's dying breath. She no longer is attracted to me but still loves me as a person.
I work too much and so all the free time I have is spent with her. Therefore, I have no way to vent anger or direct it in a positive,
non-relationship threatening way.

For the last 3.75 years, I have been taking care of her and paying her way for everything. As of recently, she has started to save up money to go to the US (North Carolina) to visit with someone she met and has been talking to on WoW for some 4 months. BTW someone happens to be a guy.

She claimed that due to past mistakes that I've made, (the most recent was buying an RD 1 to fix up for her, kept it secret from her until we had an argument), she needs some time apart to think about stuff.


She asked me what would I do if she slept with him.


It kills me to see the relationship that I have been working so hard to try and maintain in such peril. I'm at wit's end.

I don't know if I even want a response to this or just need to get it off my chest. I have no-one in my life who's opinions are valued enough to sit and talk this through with. Most people I know would say the same thing. "Dump the B***h."

Had the relationship been only short, then yeah. But we're on 4 years now, were talking about getting married back in February. Now there's just no spark, she's not happy, I'm at work too much, and....


Well we can keep a better conversation across town then what we can across the room.

I have other personal issues that she can no longer live with. I want her to stay, but I don't want to keep her down. I'll see what happens when she goes for her trip.

It kinda bothers me that she can, without remorse, go on a vacation that I'm paying for, when I have to work in order to pay off old debts so that I can get away once and a while. The debts are my fault but she seems to not want anything to do with helping me financially get back onto my feet, and maybe, at some point get a house.

If she did, she would have gotten a job at some point in the last 3 years. She worked when I met her, got sick, I paid her way back to health, and now she wants to leave.

I could use a vacation too, but I can't pay off creditors with promises.

I love her so I'm setting her free,
but the time between is killing me.
Pain and pressure is my new fee,
for trying to be what I never can be.

And... why the hell is poetry the medium for heartbreak?

purpletib

Financial issues and lack of communication, two top relationship killers. If she's going to NC, she will sleep with him. If you want peace of mind, have a long talk, break it off completely, but set-up relationship counseling if you really want things to work out in a matter of time. All relationships cycle from good to bad to good and back again.

If you can't handle the idea of her sleeping with another guy, then don't break it off, insist that she doesn't go and that you both enter counseling now.

Stocker

Dude, read that as if someone else had written it:

I've been supporting a dead-beat 100% for several years. She and I are apparently never getting married, and now she wants me to pay for her trip to go out of state to f*ck sumdood she met while using the internet over a connection I pay for.

What would you say to someone who phrased his situation like that? You sound like a chump, when it is rephrased only slightly. Don't be that guy. Tell her to go on her trip, and the locks will be changed when she gets back, as will your phone number. Tell her to have a nice life, and stay there with her WoW stud if she wants to.

Love is NOT enough. Being with somebody for a long time is NOT enough. It should be obvious by now that you are not going to change this person. Unless this is how you want to spend the rest of your life, you have been handed a golden opportunity to start over, with someone else or by yourself.

DTN

Don't pay for her trip to f*** some guy. serously... Chump.

purpletib

Guys, he said she has been saving money for this trip. He is not paying for it.

If she really asked you what you would do if she f***ed him,

1. She thinks it will happen
2. She wants to see your reaction

If you are a pussy about it, she WILL f*** him and not feel guilty

OR

Take a break, and she WILL f*** him and not feel guilty

OR

You can go one of two ways. Do as Stocker said, or demand that she not go and the two of you fix what is wrong. Both will take balls to do. Both could have bad outcomes. In the end, if she goes without your consent, f*** her.

DTN

I want to know your plan man.

TibFreak

If he is "paying her way AND taking care of her"....even if she is saving up money for the trip, he is still the one paying for it.

My opinion, put that girl in her place. If you don't, you are indeed a chump.

The fact that she even mentions "doing" him is enough or the fact of her even wanting to go. I would divorce my wife in a heartbeat if she would attempt something so selfish. I love her....but not that much.

DTN

Let me tell you about my girlfriend. She is very attractive to me. I love her very much. She wakes up in the morning 30 minutes before me to make breakfast for me and her daughter. She goes to work and pays her bills. I pick up her kid from daycare and take her home every night and have the kid tucked in to bed before she gets off work. I would not have it any other way. We both work and put in equal parts. I make more money, so I pay more of the bills. We both love each other. This is a mature relationship. To me, it sounds like you two are together because you've been together. I would definitely search for someone who makes you happy.

azngoose

Wow to start off I want to say this is a f**ked up situation.....my heart goes out to you man.

This always the toughest but like others have been saying, if time is the only reason you think the two of you should be together, then this relationship will never work. Like DTN has been saying and even shown with his example, relationships are a two-way street. Right now it's purely a one-way street no matter how you're looking at it.

She's taking advantage of your good heart and totally screwing you over. I don't want to say just totally drop her because we don't know what you've been through and maybe she's done stuff for you too. But, with how you've explained things most people's initial reactions would be to move on with life without her.

Well keep us updated with your plans. And hopefully things work out in your favor.

On another note, what do some girls think about this situation? I think thus far only guys have responded?

Regit

So I take it this is your first time in love?..if your young, then throw her shit out the door,bags and all,and get over it ,and move on...seriously man,as soon as I get a hint of sour shit,its over!..and no returns either...I've been there bro, many times, till I found the right one,and that didnt happen till I was 29! She doesnt give a crap about you if she's chatting to a stranger online to begin with first off.., think about #1.....you!... she obviously is riding the cash cow.. ..this all may sound harsh but this is why people write soppy love sick poetry and songs... think of it as 3 yrs of relationship training for your next girl.....chin up!

umm., just noticed in your sig it say's your female?, if so,then omit "man"/"bro" and insert"girl"/"sis" and apply the same............