Chuck Norris
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I came across these, i thought i would share them with u, sorry if it is a repost if u want more here is the link
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. When the
Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face.
Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*** down.
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person. As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris. Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another
Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris owns 3 pit bulls and 2 dobermans, yet if you go near his property the only sign you see is "Beware of Chuck Norris". Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have friends, just enemies he hasn't killed.
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. When the
Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face.
Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*** down.
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person. As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris. Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another
Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris owns 3 pit bulls and 2 dobermans, yet if you go near his property the only sign you see is "Beware of Chuck Norris". Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have friends, just enemies he hasn't killed.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,507
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From: Cape Cod
Vehicle: 2001 Hyundai Tiburon
That was friggin awesome lmao.gif !
My fav:
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QUOTE
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
