SpideyShark

my girlfriend doesn't trust me anymore. something bad happened and i won't go into specifics because it doesn't matter and i don't want to talk about it. but she is HUGE on trust, and i lied to her about something since the beginning of our relationship. We always meant the world to each other, and i'm going to fix this. If anyone has ever had to rebuild trust or anything similar; suggestions, advice, support, anything and everything would be helpful and greatly appreciated. also, i dont want specific things to do, i'm more or less looking for advice or stories of similar things. i want to build it back 100% myself. i just feel like a need guidance.

-aj

TibFreak

A. Sincerely apologize and ask for forgiveness.
B. Kiss alot of ass for a while.
C. If there are things that you didn't want to do before because you didn't like it.....DO IT NOW......that will get alot of brownie points...(ya' know, like forcing yourself through an opera, or seeing a chick flick, etc.)
D. Kiss more ass.

Thats what I do anyways.

mwood

if the trust was broken only time can bring it back...especially in her eyes...its something that has to be mutrual on both parts to bring it back

as long as your doing good in her eyes as well as yourself, you just have to be patient thats all...IMO

Stocker

One thing can bring it back: time spent not being untrustworthy. Everything else you do is just buying you time.

If she's not willing to give you the time, you're S.O.L. and play it straight all the way with the next woman.

radu_rd2

Try this: "But sweetie, I thought she was you!"

majik

^ roflmao

^agree. It definitely depends on what the lie was, how long you've been involved in the relationship, and how close you two were.

Take whatever the 'lie' was, and make sure she has no doubts that it's still continuing. Examples....

if the lie was - "I love only you" and you had a girl on the side, make sure she never has a reason to doubt she's the only one. Anytime she asks where you are, be honest and make sure she can trust you (be with a friend who can corraborate or offer proof of your location).

if the lie was - "I don't smoke" and you're a crackhead, make sure she never has a reason to think you're sneaking off to take a hit.

if the lie was - "My family is poor" and you're secretly a millionaire... well, I have room for a boyfriend on the side. But if the lie was something about you or your past, and not something you were doing, it's hard to provide proof that you're not doing it anymore. You'll just have to be more upfront and honest about everything so she has no reason to think you're lying anymore.

Only time will help, but you have to work hard to prove the lie is over.

If prior to finding out about the lie, she's was as committed to the relationship as you are, she should be willing to make it work. If she's using this as a way out of the relationship, maybe she wasn't as dedicated as you think.

SpideyShark

i guess some explanation is necessary. we had been dating for a year and a half last sunday, and back before i had ever met her when i was making bad decisions and smoking and being a bum, i got with the girl across the street 4 times. i was is a depression and i have no idea why i did it because she was icky. i only told two people, my friends matt and brian. i wanted it to be a secret and something no one would ever find out about because i realized how disgusted i was of myself. i decided the last time was enough, and about a month later met my girlfriend. i never told her because of what people would think of me. i was her first time, but she was not mine. this was 6 months after dating. i love her more than anything in this world and i'm doing everything i can to fix it. she wants me back too, we both still love each other greatly. thank you guys for listening

also, it always hurt me so deep down inside whenever i would think about my lie. i just could never tell her because i was so afraid as to what would happen. and now since the girl across the street hates me i'm afraid that she might try and contact my girlfriend and tell her more lies

REDZMAN

Good suggestions all around.

If it was something you didn't tell her about before, that she just found out about, (3rd nipple, STD, child with previous girlfriend, ect), I've found that often discussing it with them and reminding them that you two love eachother for who you are, not who you were, often helps.

Nothing from then changes who you are now, or who she is, and the new information shouldn't change anything in reality, because of who you two are.

Time does help everything.

majik

When I met my wife, she asked me if I smoked (cigarettes). I could tell by the way she asked that she didn't like cigarettes. So... I told her no, even though I had just smoked a cigarette on the way to meet her at her work. The reason she asked was because she had seen me smoking, so she knew I was lying. Good thing that didn't blow up in my face. We weren't dating yet, still in the flirting stages.

I realized she didn't like cigarettes and I quit, all for her. Glad I did. But... we can look back on it and laugh. I lied to her because I liked her so much, and I didn't want to run her off.

Explain to your girlfriend (as I'm sure you already have) that you were embarassed by it, realized it was a mistake, and wish you could take it back if you could. You didn't want to run her off, and were afraid of what she might think of you if she had known. You were still in the "I want to impress you" stage of your relationship and didn't want to take any risks of pushing her away.

Be honest. Tell her anything else that she might not know (however unimportant it may seem) and try to be as open as possible about your life before her.

TibFreak

^^^I quit smoking for my wife too....3 years ago, she really appreciated it too.

Also saves a hell of a lot of money.