This is an 18+ section that may contain language, images, and video not suitable for work, marriages, children, or anyone opposed to graphic content. Texts from last night... [NSFW]
07-15-2009, 08:27 AM
#1
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Texts from last night... [NSFW]
http://textsfromlastnight.com/recent
Put down some of you favorites that you read in this thread
(571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
(469): i just woke up and "where the F*CK is taco bell" was in my search engine...
(937): wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
(1-937): u like it?
(937): NOT THE POINT.
(804): I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
(603): my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
(752): What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
(209): I think the two go hand in hand.
(650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
(1-650): dude, it's 2 am.
(650): but its COMING
Put down some of you favorites that you read in this thread
(571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
(469): i just woke up and "where the F*CK is taco bell" was in my search engine...
(937): wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
(1-937): u like it?
(937): NOT THE POINT.
(804): I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
(603): my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
(752): What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
(209): I think the two go hand in hand.
(650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
(1-650): dude, it's 2 am.
(650): but its COMING
07-15-2009, 09:29 AM
#2
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(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that
(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
(330): First off: I'm drunk so F*CK you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: F*CK 3 Doors Down
(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.
(908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
(404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
(770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
(404): You KNEW her power was out...
(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that
(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
(330): First off: I'm drunk so F*CK you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: F*CK 3 Doors Down
(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.
(908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
(404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
(770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
(404): You KNEW her power was out...
(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
07-15-2009, 04:50 PM
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(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lmao.gif lmao.gif
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lmao.gif lmao.gif
07-15-2009, 05:25 PM
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QUOTE(03AccentVA @ Jul 15 2009, 03:50 PM)
(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lmao.gif lmao.gif
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lmao.gif lmao.gif
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG
07-21-2009, 05:05 PM
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(440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
(404): Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
(305): Did you save them?
(404): Who?
(816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
(717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
(267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
(757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to SH*T in a catbox to prove a point.
(925): Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
(404): Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
(305): Did you save them?
(404): Who?
(816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
(717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
(267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
(757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to SH*T in a catbox to prove a point.
(925): Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up