This is an 18+ section that may contain language, images, and video not suitable for work, marriages, children, or anyone opposed to graphic content. Dirty Proverbs **NSFW**
01-21-2005, 03:31 PM
#1
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Dirty Proverbs **NSFW**
I think I edited out all of the curse words. If not I'm sorry smile.gif
-Edit-
Fixed all of the ***'s that were edited laugh.gif:
almond joy
Taking a sh!t and shooting a load in someone’s mouth. Not to be confused with a blumpy/blumpkin.
aqua pump
The term for watching the stomach of a bloated drowning victim rise and fall as you fvck them.
carebear stare
After you’re done making a girl cry after destroying her virgin vertical smile, this is the teary-eyed look she gives you as you wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear right before you leave.
cheese mullet
Step 1. Receive oral sex. Step 2. Engorge yourself with Cheese-Doodles, Cheetos, or whatever Cheesy powered goodies you can find while receiving said oral sex. Step 3. Gratuitously wipe the hearty cheese dust in the hair of the person giving you oral sex and whamo!...the Cheese Mullet is born.
conestoga creamer
When you send your food back and the cook leaves his mark.
dam the torpedoes
A well known college prank of laying cellophane over the toilet seat. As your little friend goes the number 2 the torpedoes are dammed! Hint: Use a blow dryer to really conceal the lines.
dead horsing
The knocking someone out for the sole purpose of fvcking them anonymously.
desert dick
An exceptionally dry dick, one that hasn’t been wet for a long while.
dick-in-a-glass
The term given to a guy who you’re not really into, but you’ll call anyway to bang in case of an emergency.
don cornholeone
Put on your velour Pierre Cardin running suit and pick up your b**** in a black Lincoln towncar. Drive down to the docks and ask her questions like "Where is Vito?" and "Did you take care of that thing?" while throwing in a “Fuggedabowtit” or four or five in between. She will undoubtedly look confused and her punishment for going against the family will be the anal pounding of a lifetime. On the way home to soothe her pain, make her sit in a pan of baked ziti. You can now officially call yourself "Don Cornholeone".
ellen degenerate
Aka fvcking a homeless dike.
fifth base
Heterosexual anal sex. This is what you usually get to after you pass first, second, third, and home.
fish scale
Once your partner falls asleep having failed to bring you to climax, you anoint them with a single drip of pre-cum on their forehead.
friendly fire
A term for when you accidentally sit in your own wet spot…
geritolation
The act of eating a bloody cvnt for the sole purpose of iron supplementation.
german slumber party
An orgy in the pits of a concentration camp.
hamper diving
After a spontaneous jerk session, you sift through the dirty clothes in your hamper to find a sock to clean yourself up with.
holy trinity
The highly secretive term shared among catholic priests which entails nailing exactly three altar boys before the start of any mass. Please don’t ask how I attained this coveted information.
imdb me
The art of using the internet movie database to screen whom you are involved with romantically. For example, if trendy L.A. trashy actor A wants to go out with trendy L.A. filthy actor B, actor A checks with IMDB to judge whether or not B is good enough for them. If B is weak in IMDB or is relatively "green" in Hollywood, B is probably not going to do anything to advance your career or make you look good.
iron cross
After entering a public stall that is handy-capable, you notice that the seat is sh!t and piss ridden. Instead of immediately vacating the stall, you proceed to take a dump while holding yourself above the seat using the metal bars like the world class gymnast you always dreamed to be. Let the turds fly and give yourself a 10 for effort and 9.5 for creativeness.
italian protologist
Someone who is so greasy they don't even need to lube up before anal.
kit-kat
When you manage to fit all 4 fingers inside a girl’s a$$hole with you hand open flat, like a Kit-Kat bar. “Break me off a piece of that….” ahhh fvck it.
lights-camera-action
Convince a girl to be video taped while banging. Then tell her in order to get the light “just right" you need to take the shade off the bedroom lamp thereby exposing the glowing hot bulb. Keeping the lamp within distance, you proceed to pound her from behind like the true starlet she is. As she reaches orgasm, reach for the lamp and sear her protruding a$$hole with the hot bulb. Slamming her nipple between the clap stick and the slate and yelling “that’s a wrap” immediately afterwards will definitely raise you to Spielberg status among fellow directors.
lightswitch
A small penis that resembles a light switch. It has two positions, on and off.
little rascals
When two midgets double-team an old woman while riding on her motorized cart.
mcgreevey
When the discovery of your homosexuality forces you to quit your job of importance and become an outcast. Named after our favorite governor of New Jersey.
messy gardner
Whilst digging deep in your girlfriend’s mud hole with your purple shovel, prepare a handful of seeds, be it sunflower, pumpkin or even a few watermelon seeds will do. Pull out right before you sow your royal oats, and stuff her gaping ass full of seeds. Then renter and let yours go, making the most interesting of trail mixes.
morning glory
When you pass out at a party or any other social get together, you awake to find that you have been mercilessly jizz bombed in every possible orifice.
post-emptive anxiety
When a highly anticipated sh!t is befouled by a non-empty bathroom, this is the cold feet-anxiety that follows while trying to sh!t silently. Research shows that this can only be overcome by ones own inner strength. Just break the silence and splatter sh!t your brains out. This will help others overcome their anxiety. Can be turned into competition with neighboring stalls for loudness and duration.
punch bowl
Unflushed period piss that's left in the toilet bowl. Usually only seen by men married 5 or more years. Too bad they don’t tell you this kinda sh!t before you get married…
raw oyster
Pull out and shoot your load off into the palm of your hand, then feed it to your significant other. Saltine cracker, cocktail sauce, or Tabasco is optional.
scrotal infusion
Take a 1 liter bag of saline solution, a 20 gauge needle, some surgical tape, and some tubing. Heating the solution to body temperature is very important. Then stick the needle in your scrote and hang the bag. Drain the contents of the saline bag into your scrote and remove the needle. Why do you ask one does this? It’s because the next day, the saline drains into your cock, swelling it to the size and shape of a beer can. Now you can finally impress that girl you always wanted.
seabiscuit
A homosexual term experienced when you've got so much Vaseline on your boyfriends a$$ that your cock and each ball make a small popping noise with each thrust, thus giving the sensation of riding Seabiscuit.
sh!t ribbon
That paper-thin slice of sh!t that floats gracefully down to the bottom of the bowl after it slides effortlessly off your ass.
sleep creep
After a one night stand, you take as many material possessions as you can find and/or carry while your partner is still deep asleep. A hookers favorite pastime.
sleigh dog
Take a woman from behind while she is wearing only her bra. Undo her bra clip and grasp each end them in your hands like the reigns of a sleigh. Be sure to yell “Mush doggie!” as you ride your way home. Great for the Holidays.
spelunking
A recent alarming trend in the porn industry. This is the term for the close up shot of a gaping colon after a diligent ass reaming session. The a$$hole is usually spread open as wide as possible to achieve maximum viewing depth. It seems to be a current craze since just about every film has at least one spelunking shot nowadays.
take a timeout
If a guy doesn’t know how to eat you out properly, you make him stop midway though and force him to sit in a corner like the little inexperienced boy he is. You then proceed to get dressed and leave.
tile grout
While visiting some left handed websites, you accidentally jizz all over the keyboard, forming "tile grout".
underground railroad
Having a black chick pull a train on you and your white-boy buddies.
vagician
The name given to a man who makes girls magically disappear when he walks into a room.
vein guider
The name given to a girl who has a gap between her teeth.
whifflesniffing
The act of sniffing girl's bicycle seats.
-Edit-
Fixed all of the ***'s that were edited laugh.gif:
almond joy
Taking a sh!t and shooting a load in someone’s mouth. Not to be confused with a blumpy/blumpkin.
aqua pump
The term for watching the stomach of a bloated drowning victim rise and fall as you fvck them.
carebear stare
After you’re done making a girl cry after destroying her virgin vertical smile, this is the teary-eyed look she gives you as you wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear right before you leave.
cheese mullet
Step 1. Receive oral sex. Step 2. Engorge yourself with Cheese-Doodles, Cheetos, or whatever Cheesy powered goodies you can find while receiving said oral sex. Step 3. Gratuitously wipe the hearty cheese dust in the hair of the person giving you oral sex and whamo!...the Cheese Mullet is born.
conestoga creamer
When you send your food back and the cook leaves his mark.
dam the torpedoes
A well known college prank of laying cellophane over the toilet seat. As your little friend goes the number 2 the torpedoes are dammed! Hint: Use a blow dryer to really conceal the lines.
dead horsing
The knocking someone out for the sole purpose of fvcking them anonymously.
desert dick
An exceptionally dry dick, one that hasn’t been wet for a long while.
dick-in-a-glass
The term given to a guy who you’re not really into, but you’ll call anyway to bang in case of an emergency.
don cornholeone
Put on your velour Pierre Cardin running suit and pick up your b**** in a black Lincoln towncar. Drive down to the docks and ask her questions like "Where is Vito?" and "Did you take care of that thing?" while throwing in a “Fuggedabowtit” or four or five in between. She will undoubtedly look confused and her punishment for going against the family will be the anal pounding of a lifetime. On the way home to soothe her pain, make her sit in a pan of baked ziti. You can now officially call yourself "Don Cornholeone".
ellen degenerate
Aka fvcking a homeless dike.
fifth base
Heterosexual anal sex. This is what you usually get to after you pass first, second, third, and home.
fish scale
Once your partner falls asleep having failed to bring you to climax, you anoint them with a single drip of pre-cum on their forehead.
friendly fire
A term for when you accidentally sit in your own wet spot…
geritolation
The act of eating a bloody cvnt for the sole purpose of iron supplementation.
german slumber party
An orgy in the pits of a concentration camp.
hamper diving
After a spontaneous jerk session, you sift through the dirty clothes in your hamper to find a sock to clean yourself up with.
holy trinity
The highly secretive term shared among catholic priests which entails nailing exactly three altar boys before the start of any mass. Please don’t ask how I attained this coveted information.
imdb me
The art of using the internet movie database to screen whom you are involved with romantically. For example, if trendy L.A. trashy actor A wants to go out with trendy L.A. filthy actor B, actor A checks with IMDB to judge whether or not B is good enough for them. If B is weak in IMDB or is relatively "green" in Hollywood, B is probably not going to do anything to advance your career or make you look good.
iron cross
After entering a public stall that is handy-capable, you notice that the seat is sh!t and piss ridden. Instead of immediately vacating the stall, you proceed to take a dump while holding yourself above the seat using the metal bars like the world class gymnast you always dreamed to be. Let the turds fly and give yourself a 10 for effort and 9.5 for creativeness.
italian protologist
Someone who is so greasy they don't even need to lube up before anal.
kit-kat
When you manage to fit all 4 fingers inside a girl’s a$$hole with you hand open flat, like a Kit-Kat bar. “Break me off a piece of that….” ahhh fvck it.
lights-camera-action
Convince a girl to be video taped while banging. Then tell her in order to get the light “just right" you need to take the shade off the bedroom lamp thereby exposing the glowing hot bulb. Keeping the lamp within distance, you proceed to pound her from behind like the true starlet she is. As she reaches orgasm, reach for the lamp and sear her protruding a$$hole with the hot bulb. Slamming her nipple between the clap stick and the slate and yelling “that’s a wrap” immediately afterwards will definitely raise you to Spielberg status among fellow directors.
lightswitch
A small penis that resembles a light switch. It has two positions, on and off.
little rascals
When two midgets double-team an old woman while riding on her motorized cart.
mcgreevey
When the discovery of your homosexuality forces you to quit your job of importance and become an outcast. Named after our favorite governor of New Jersey.
messy gardner
Whilst digging deep in your girlfriend’s mud hole with your purple shovel, prepare a handful of seeds, be it sunflower, pumpkin or even a few watermelon seeds will do. Pull out right before you sow your royal oats, and stuff her gaping ass full of seeds. Then renter and let yours go, making the most interesting of trail mixes.
morning glory
When you pass out at a party or any other social get together, you awake to find that you have been mercilessly jizz bombed in every possible orifice.
post-emptive anxiety
When a highly anticipated sh!t is befouled by a non-empty bathroom, this is the cold feet-anxiety that follows while trying to sh!t silently. Research shows that this can only be overcome by ones own inner strength. Just break the silence and splatter sh!t your brains out. This will help others overcome their anxiety. Can be turned into competition with neighboring stalls for loudness and duration.
punch bowl
Unflushed period piss that's left in the toilet bowl. Usually only seen by men married 5 or more years. Too bad they don’t tell you this kinda sh!t before you get married…
raw oyster
Pull out and shoot your load off into the palm of your hand, then feed it to your significant other. Saltine cracker, cocktail sauce, or Tabasco is optional.
scrotal infusion
Take a 1 liter bag of saline solution, a 20 gauge needle, some surgical tape, and some tubing. Heating the solution to body temperature is very important. Then stick the needle in your scrote and hang the bag. Drain the contents of the saline bag into your scrote and remove the needle. Why do you ask one does this? It’s because the next day, the saline drains into your cock, swelling it to the size and shape of a beer can. Now you can finally impress that girl you always wanted.
seabiscuit
A homosexual term experienced when you've got so much Vaseline on your boyfriends a$$ that your cock and each ball make a small popping noise with each thrust, thus giving the sensation of riding Seabiscuit.
sh!t ribbon
That paper-thin slice of sh!t that floats gracefully down to the bottom of the bowl after it slides effortlessly off your ass.
sleep creep
After a one night stand, you take as many material possessions as you can find and/or carry while your partner is still deep asleep. A hookers favorite pastime.
sleigh dog
Take a woman from behind while she is wearing only her bra. Undo her bra clip and grasp each end them in your hands like the reigns of a sleigh. Be sure to yell “Mush doggie!” as you ride your way home. Great for the Holidays.
spelunking
A recent alarming trend in the porn industry. This is the term for the close up shot of a gaping colon after a diligent ass reaming session. The a$$hole is usually spread open as wide as possible to achieve maximum viewing depth. It seems to be a current craze since just about every film has at least one spelunking shot nowadays.
take a timeout
If a guy doesn’t know how to eat you out properly, you make him stop midway though and force him to sit in a corner like the little inexperienced boy he is. You then proceed to get dressed and leave.
tile grout
While visiting some left handed websites, you accidentally jizz all over the keyboard, forming "tile grout".
underground railroad
Having a black chick pull a train on you and your white-boy buddies.
vagician
The name given to a man who makes girls magically disappear when he walks into a room.
vein guider
The name given to a girl who has a gap between her teeth.
whifflesniffing
The act of sniffing girl's bicycle seats.
01-21-2005, 04:41 PM
#4
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Vehicle: 2001 Hyundai Tiburon, 2004 Kia Sorento, 2010 Kia Soul
LMAO
How many warnings did this give you?
BTW, I'm deleting this warning. Java, can we make the Off Topic section and Members section AWS free?
Actually, this is pretty bad. Moving to MEMBERS SECTION.
How many warnings did this give you?
BTW, I'm deleting this warning. Java, can we make the Off Topic section and Members section AWS free?
Actually, this is pretty bad. Moving to MEMBERS SECTION.
01-24-2005, 01:28 PM
#5
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bel Air, MD
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Well luckily I had edited out most of the curse words. But even luckier is that you only get one warning for each post. Not each word in that post. I still missed about 15 words so if I had gotten 5 points for each I probably wouldnt have been on the forums for a month.
