I put this in this area so that answers can be candid/rude/graphic without offense ... it's almost impossible to offend me with messages, so be candid.
OK, I have been complained to that I don't pay enough attention to her. Yet when I do, she ignores me, I get frustrated and go and do my own thing, since she is obviously doing hers.
I have also been complained to that I don't perform my "husbandly" duty enough. But most nights I cuddle up and start to get frisky, usually she rolls over and goes to sleep. Now I am not one to force myself on someone who doesn't want my attention.
I sometimes feel like a player at a casino, if you pull the arm long enough, you get a pay-off big enough to keep playing.
So the question:
What the heck should I do about this?
1. Kick her to the curb (difficult as we have been together 12 years, with a house, 2 cars and a kid)
2. Just keep going, it'll get better ... maybe
3. Slide on the side to fulfill my own needs.

Let me know what you think.

 

Hubby and I went through a similar situation. We made the conclusion that we needed to make time for eachother. We have to make a concious effort. We sit and watch a movie or we watch TV, or are on the computers next to eachother. We make sure that we are able to see eachother and talk to eachother. We also make sure to Just talk. Its an important part that most people forget. If you make sure to ask her how her day is.. start with simple conversation. you need to really open the lines of communication. Its on both ends not just yours. you may be suprised at her reaction.

 

I know this is for the girls, but I'll answer anyways..


Wow.. she sounds really.. And I mean.. REALLY familiar...

I kicked her to the curb, but it seems that that's not a good option. Is she on birth control? Alot of them will completely kill a woman's sex drive. In fact, most of the popular ones do... Talk to her Dr. and see if you can switch to one that wont. Problems that start in the bedroom, will just work their way out into all the rooms.. If ya know what I mean.

And maybe she is into rape.. ya never know..

 

As someone who has been in the same situation but gotten things turned around headed the right direction I figure that I should pipe in here.

Option 1 is okay, but only necessary if you or her are bitter to the point that you won't be able to get over it. Short of that it's probably not the best option, at least for now.

Option 2 sucks, but if you modify it to include trying to MAKE things better it is probably the best of the three. The first step would be to openly admit that there's a problem (maybe you have) and have a serious conversation with your wife. You need to see if you both want the same thing out of life or can at least agree on a good target place that you would like to be. As mentioned above a lot of the problem was simply that when we did our own things we weren't together. It seems like line of sight between the two of us is important. What changes need to be made will vary depending on what you each feel are the areas needing improvement.

Option 3 is the worst of all IMO. It's a pretty common answer but it'll poison your relationship from the inside out even if it doesn't come to light and just destroy it the old fashioned way. It also has the potential to destroy things even if you make things better and it comes out later.

I'll talk over things with you anytime you want man. My wife and I spent many years unhappy but now that we got things sorted out I wouldn't trade her for anyone.

 

One thought. Sounds like you're interested at night. It's possible she's interested in the morning.

I know two of the gals I dated had the "opposite schedule" as me, and it made things more difficult, but certainly fixable, once we talked about it.

 

^ My wife and I have that type of conflicting schedule. We usually just end up railing on Sunday afternoon's, lol.

 

I dont have as much advice as these people but all I can say is dont cheat

 

I appreciate the advice/thoughts! Thanks.

Mind you I'm still a big flirt and it's not going to stop me from thinking about having a fling, I just know that it won't happen.

 

I am a big flirt too.. that is how i ended up with the hubby.. but you need to know that flirting can be ok as long as its not taken to far. I have learned to set limits on who and how I do it. I don't want to hurt my hubby so we have talks about the limits. I cant help it sometimes though. I just have that wired into my body but you have to really think about it. Sounds like you both just need to sit down and have a major conversation. About everything. Bring the tissues though because she may get upset because she may not even know that there is something wrong. I know that when Hubby and I talk I am really suprised about things that I was doing that upset him and he was suprised about what was upsetting me. Now that we talk about everything it makes life so much better and a whole lot fun!!!

 

I'll tell you what I do when she doesn't wanna give it up... I take care of myself and make sure she knows about it. When she asks why I'm doing that, I just tell her that since I'm not getting it anywhere else...