Long post alert....

Alright lemme start from the beginning. The very beginning.

Back in middle school I became friends with a guy I'll call Bob. We hung out alot through middle school and high school. I developed a huge crush on him, and the way he acted towards me I always thought he liked me too. But we never went out. He dated one of my friends for some time which upset me but I got over it. He graduated a year before me, in 2001, and then went on to college. In the meantime I met my current boyfriend. We started dating April 19 2002 (which is actually Bob's birthday, weird).

So anyway, I didn't see Bob again until June 2003. At this time, my boyfriend and I broke up. I got in touch with Bob and I think we hung out once. We went to a Greek resturaunt and then a car show...it was more like a date then anything. But then I found out he had a girlfriend. I was dissapointed because I still did have some feelings for him. But then he went back to college and I didn't see him again until a couple days ago.

It was Christmas when we reunited. We hung out for a few days. All the feelings Ive had for him came back, big time. There are reasons for this. For one, we talked about our past and our relationship and our feelings towards each other. We also slept together. I'll admit it. We both got really drunk Christmas night and ended up doing the nasty. And to be completely honest, I enjoyed it. I hate to say it but it was better than it ever was with my boyfriend. The next night I invited him over and we talked about what happened. He is still with his girlfriend. I told him about my boyfriend. But, we still ended up doing it again. But afterwards we talked. He said to me that he's been waiting years for this. I guess I had been too. Just laying there with him I really felt love for this guy...like we should be together. I've never felt so certain about something before. And of course I feel guilty about cheating. I am in agony over it. But for the past few weeks me and my boyfriend have been fighting, arguing, and drifting apart from each other. I feel that I am no longer attracted to him. I still love him very very much. But there's so many problems in his life that he isnt taking care of. He is very irresponsible and can barely support himself. Im a really getting tired of waiting for him to better himself. I feel like I deserve and can have so much better. Of course this doesnt justify my actions. But I still know that we will break up sometime soon. We've talked about it everytime we've talked this week.

On Tuesday night I went out with Bob and our friends. The whole night I was depressed and distracted, because I knew the next day his girlfriend was coming out to visit. So after we ate, they were all going back to my friends house. i just said goodbye and went home. I cried the whole way, and cried myself to sleep. I hoped maybe he would call me later that night, but he didnt. I havent heard from him since, and I know hes with his girlfriend, so I cant call him. But he has been occupying my thoughts and I am depressed. I don't know what to do. I wanna tell him how I feel. I don't wanna come between him and his girlfriend...but I dont know how good their relationship is. I just wish I could say something to win him over. I am willing to drop everything for this guy. I have been for the past three years.

Someone please help me out. I need a guys perspective on this.

 

If he cheated on his girlfriend to be with you, there is no reason to believe why he wouldn't do the same to you once you two are together.

I'm sorry to hear both of you cheated, to me that is one of the worst things you can do to your partner, no matter what state your relationship is in (assuming you are still together). If I were you, I'd take step back away from it all and take a break, let yourself figure out exactly who you want to be and what you want to be doing with your life.

 

they say that being apart makes the heart grow fonder. After all these years, I think you have grown very fond of Bob. As for your current B/f, I have noted a trend over the last few months of you talking less and less of him in a positive light.. if at all. My suggestion.. and this is a hard one... you do need to step back from ALL of your relationships and find time for just yourself. I am not going to tell you to "play the field" as that only leads to more hurt in the long run.. but I am suggesting you take a few weeks or so as "single and not looking" to clear your head.

no matter what Bob has said to you about "waiting a long time for this" if he has not yet dumped his current g/f to run to your arms... I doubt he ever will.

 

hmmmm

yeah I think you're right. Ive told my bf that I want time away from him but he always gets mad. Well I havent seen him since last Thursday I think it was.

Im gonna see both of them tonight, at seperate times. I'm jsut gonna see what happens.

Thanks guys

 

I think you need to get your priorities straight and figure out what you really want for yourself and for the people you love. You say you still love your current boyfreind but you guys are having problems, from my experience there is no such thing as the perfect relationship and sooner or later there will always be problems and it's up to you to know if they are worth working out or not. The best thing for you to do is to be honest with him and let him know what happend betwwen you and Bob and just let him go, cause you feel you are wasting your time with him but you have to realize you are wasting his time as well, what you did is really low and shows you have no respect for him at all, sorry if I sound rude but I've been with my wife for seven years and with all the problems we had I could never do anything to hurt her like that. You can try to hide what has happend between you and Bob but believe me it will eat away at you over time and your feeling of guilt will only get worse as time goes on.

As far as Bob goes it's best to let him know how you feel about him and see how he reacts to the situation, he'll either say he has the same feelings for you and want to pursue a relationship or he will tell you he is not interested and he wants to stay with his current girlfreind, this way you can stop wondering what could have been and you will know for sure what your relationsghip with him will turn out to be. Is he going back to collage again, and will you be able to tust him when you two are not together, if he did that behind her back he will most likely do it behind yours.

It's all about what you want and the things you feel, trying to hide something from someone or lying to them will only hurt them worse in the end when the truth comes out and one way or another it always seems to happen. I wish you the best of luck with this entire situation and I hope things work out for the best with nobody getting to hurt.

 

I dare say you posting lingerie shots of yourself in a car forum might also have been a way to "get back" at your current b/f.

 

Thats very good advice Maxxtib..thanks

Id didnt post the pictures to spite him. I posted them because I felt comfortable enough to have so many guys look at me and also wanted to see what kinda reaction I would get. I would like to model maybe in the future so I wanted to test the waters now..

 

The Perfect Life is not the absense of problems, it is the ability to deal with those problems.

I think you should take this one step a time. As I agree with a_gut with the betrayal thing, there are a couple people that I have strong feelings for still.

I say you be truthful with Bob and make him make the decision. He was man enough to cheat on his girlfriend so it is the least he can do.

Looking at this from a guys perspective I think he thought he could get lucky and not have to worry about it. If he doesn't call you, you had better make sure his girlfriend knows what happened. Like I said he was man enogh to do what he did. You're both adults.

All in all, I think you should take some time off and relax. With your accident and that there is obviously alot going on in your life. Have a good night tonight and think things through.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Tibbychick)</div><div class='quotemain'>I would like to model maybe in the future so I wanted to test the waters now...</div>

Well, you can tell whoever you model for they have one extra subscriber. laugh.gif

I think you and your b/f are just going through a little trouble and maybe need a little time away from each other to get your priorities straight. Tell him straight up if he wants to be with you then he has to get his life straight with whatever problems he is having. If he truely wants to be with you, then he will do the best he can to fix his problems. If he doesn't, he's downright lazy or ignorant and doesn't deserve you. Simple as that.

With Bob, I would also confront him and ask him how he feels. Tell him he has to choose between you or his girlfriend. If he chooses you, then maybe you guys were meant for each other. If he goes back to his girlfriend, don't get discouraged. You guys just wouldn't have worked out.

If your boyfriend doesn't work out, and he doesn't work out... well... I would try and find someone who does care. Your single again, wahoo! Less pressure that way, I love it. Or you can try dating other people. Give Dweet a try, then maybe next time you can't install your corners you have him. lol.gif

 

You are ALL Adults in this mess.. you, your bofriend, Bob, and bob's current Girlfriend. Unfortunatly, it looks like your boyfriend and bob's girlfriend are the innocent parties in this mess that have the most to lose and be hurt the most. As adults though, I am certain you know what the right thing you have to do is.. coming to us to help you make up your mind or sway you from the correct course of action is not a good.. In YOUR heart, you know what you have to do.. Took me years to learn that lesson, that little voice that nags at you all the time is rarely wrong.